Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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