Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
