He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize