i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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