remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
