You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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