My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
