I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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