I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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