There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
