I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
