Kiss
Puke
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
