do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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