who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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