my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize