She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My ass is underappreciated
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
