Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
