I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
