No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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