did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize