uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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