He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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