On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
