is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
