I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i came on her dog
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
