I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
