I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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