he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's rum buckets o'clock
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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