i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
