well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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