You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
