You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
