i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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