Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
