How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We named our party play list daddy issues
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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