Pants 0. Shit 1.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
