I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize