The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
3 2 1 whiskey
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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