i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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