I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
