I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
