there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
