No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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