Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
