you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
