I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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