My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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