Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
