i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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