it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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