Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He passed out mid-signature
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
