no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
