i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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