why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
