Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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