my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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