when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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