How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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