dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
