No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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