just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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