I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
