i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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