I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
