He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's blow job season.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
