There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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