Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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