We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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