That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
