I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i out mim tonsoeep
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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