i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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