I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
