i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
