why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
