There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
